Over years of talking and thinking about fatherhood, I’ve assembled a short list of “dad songs.” I feel these songs help grasp the intensity of a father-child relationship. What songs might a father sing to his child, or a child to their father? What songs provide inspiration and perspective as this whole adventure unfolds?

I nominate listening to one of these while watching your baby sleep.

While preparing this list for publishing here, I researched other “dad song” lists. And many have been compiled and listed on other web-sites: e.g. here, here, here, here and here.

After presenting my list, I’ll throw out a few observations gleaned from looking over those other lists:

• Only one song on my list makes any other list.

• The song at the top of my list should appear on all the others, and doesn’t show up on even one.

• A troubling, ok heart-breaking theme exists within the genre of “dad songs” that must be acknowledged and addressed.

Schuyler’s dad songs

This list is open to augmentation.

The 5 Stairsteps: O-oh Child

• I hear a father / parent singing this to a newborn as they struggle through their first days and weeks outside the womb.

• This optimistic anthem starts by acknowledging that life is hard, but simultaneously declares that all challenges can and will be overcome.

• Given this “life is hard, but” premise, this song has been used to shoulder difficult themes. For example, it is used with great effect in the movie “Boyz N Tha Hood”

• This remix addresses similar challenging issues. I like this version because it is sung by fathers, and can be a father’s song.

Foo Fighters: Times Like These

• I hear a child singing this, as warning and exhortation, to an exhausted father.

• David Grohl appears to echo this warning / exhortation / it’s-worth-it blend in this live version, where he dedicates this song to his mother, a retired public school teacher.

Banners: Someone to You

• Schuyler hears a dad singing this to his child, as he processes the changes fatherhood is creating in him.

• This song echoes the sentiments of so many Vet Dads returning with their babies to say that their priorities in life have been completely changed by their baby’s arrival.

Nick Lowe / Elvis Costello: (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love And Understanding

• This song, on this list, might say more about me than it does about fatherhood:

  • It’s a song about troubled times. I believe we are living in troubled times. I believe fathers are crucially important in any time, but even more so these days. Fathers must help prepare their children to navigate this reality.

  • This is an optimistic, exhortational song. I am all about these things too.

  • It’s pretty much classic rock. That’s me too.

• Research shows that fathers play a distinct, pivotal role in preparing children to engage the world. If the world is as “wicked” as Lowe and Costello claim, or even just kinda wicked, then:

  • Dads are that much more vital to their children.

  • Dads need to bring an optimistic yet realistic, equipping disposition to how they prepare their children.

Semisonic: Closing Time

• This was written by a father about waiting in the hospital for his baby to be born.

• Lead singer Dan Wilson explains the subtle lyrics in Closing Time in this hilarious video. Maybe jump to the 3:15 second mark if you want to skip to the explanation.

Billy Joel: Lullaby

• This song is not just about helping a child go to sleep, but about helping her (Joel’s daughter) know she could sleep, in spite of all the questions and concerns she has.

• This song is the only song to make both my list, and all of the other songs lists linked above. All the other songs are on my dad song list alone.

A few side observations

Almost no common ground

With one exception, none of the songs on my list appear on the other lists linked above. Billy Joel’s Lullaby makes my list, and ALL the others.

This makes sense. The other lists are to or about or by dads to their kids, and Lullaby definitely fits in that latter category. Songs on my list are more for dads, to inspire and encourage and lend perspective.

A sad theme: Crushing regret

Most dad song lists include several songs— e.g. Harry Chapin’s Cat's in the Cradle, Reba McEntire’s The Greatest Man I Never Knew, and The Living Years by Mike + The Mechanics—that share a heartbreaking common them. They describe the intense, scarred sadness of those looking back on a broken father-child relationship after it’s over. Harry Chapin sings from a father’s perspective: Reba and Mike Rutherford look back as adult children.

Regret and grief over what wasn’t but should have been is a common theme in dad song lists.

Why no 5 Stairsteps on ANY dad song list?

I have a few hunches why O-oh Child from The 5 Stairsteps makes no other list, even though I, given my priorities around dad songs, think it could stand at the top. None of these are good reasons, but they may still explain the absence:

1. Isn’t this a mom’s song? A woman’s voice does open the song. But four of the five voices singing to the child are men.

2. Maybe this is a parent song more than a dad song. Maybe, but many of the other songs on the lists, e.g. Billy Joel’s Lullaby and Eric Mayer’s Daughters are as much parent songs as dad songs.

3. It’s forward looking and optimistic in the face of difficulties. So many songs on these lists are written to or for or about fathers past, and so many have themes of regret, unspoken appreciation and unresolved conflict. The song from The 5 Stair-steps definitely doesn’t appear when looking through those lenses.

Thank you for considering this list and these thoughts. Any other dad songs you’d suggest?